Home » I’m Sorry, By The Time You Get This, I Won’t Be Alive Anymore — Former Miss USA Cheslie Kryst’s Final Text To Mother Moments Before Jumping To Death Revealed

I’m Sorry, By The Time You Get This, I Won’t Be Alive Anymore — Former Miss USA Cheslie Kryst’s Final Text To Mother Moments Before Jumping To Death Revealed

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Miss USA 2019, Cheslie Kryst’s tragic final text to her mother moments before jumping to her death from her New York City apartment has surfaced.

It was earlier reported that the 30-year-old jumped from a 60-storey Orion building at 350 W. 42nd Street in the early hours of Sunday, 30th January.

Kryst, who lived on the ninth floor of the building, was last seen on a terrace on the 29th floor, and she was said to have been alone when she leapt to her death.

A few hours before she jumped, Kryst took to her Instagram page to share a photo of herself with the caption, “May this day bring you rest and peace.”


It was gathered that Kryst left a note giving everything to her mother, but she didn’t explain why she decided to take her own life. The said note has, however, now surfaced.

“First, I’m sorry, by the time you get this, I won’t be alive anymore. And it makes me even more sad to write this because I know this will hurt you the most.” The message read in part.

The deceased’s mother revealed on Red Table Talk that she ‘near blacked out’ after reading the message.

“By the time I had read the text, an hour had passed,’ she told host Jada Pinkett-Smith, her daughter Willow Smith, Pinkett-Smith’s mother Adrienne Banfield-Norris. Kryst had sent her mother the text while she knew she’d be in an exercise class.

“I remember calling my husband and screaming “what, what” and we got home and just trying to figure out what to do. I had not read the rest of her message, I just couldn’t”. She said,

April added that she instantly took the text seriously because this was her daughter’s second suicide attempt. She had previously attempted suicide in her early 20s, her mother said.

The long message went on to say,

“I love you mom, and you are my best friend, and the person I’ve lived for for years. I wish I could stay with you, but I cannot bear the crushing weight of persistent sadness, hopelessness, and loneliness any longer. I’ve never told you these feelings, because I never wanted you to worry, and because I hoped they would eventually change, but I know they never will.

They follow me through every accomplishment, success, family gathering, friendly dinner – I cry almost every day now like I’m in mourning. I wished for death for years. And I know you would want to know and want to help, but I haven’t wanted to share this weight with anyone.

“Regardless of that, thank you sincerely for being there for me in some of my lonely moments without me even telling you I needed you. You have kept me alive and ready to face another day because you answer every phone call and you are there for me at the drop of a hat. You listen to me and care when I tell you what goes on in my life and you’ve always made me feel as if you loved me.

“I love you more than any person I’ve ever known. You’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve done everything right. I no longer feel like I have any purpose in life. I don’t know if I ever really did.”

Simpkins refused to disclose her daughter’s final wishes and also skipped the more personal parts of the message.

Her mother revealed she knew her daughter was struggling with depression but didn’t know the severity of it.

She also said she started to realise her daughter’s ‘smiles were a little forced’ and she encouraged Kryst to call when she needed help.

Also in the text, Kryst gave her mother permission to share the suicide note so the world would know how much a good mother she was. She also revealed she didn’t think she could repair her friendships and ‘escape’ loneliness.

“I’ve pushed away most of my friends, and I can’t fix any of it no matter how hard I’ve tried.’ she wrote. ‘So, I will leave and rejoin God in heaven and hope to find peace there. I don’t want to leave, but I genuinely feel like I have to if I want to escape my loneliness that feels like it has no end. I fought against depression for a long time, but it’s won this time around.

“There aren’t enough words in the world to describe my love and appreciation for you. You are the perfect mom and I will love you forever, even in death. Feel free to share this message. People should know that you are the best mom in the world and that you were the best mom I ever could have hoped for.”


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